For Mabon I awoke early and baked the same apple cinnamon bread I made last year. Last year, my bread was baked with apples from Apple Hill- a cute little place in Northern California which my family visits every fall. They have pumpkins, and apples (of course), and Brussel sprouts, and pony rides, and a bunch of little stands where crafters sell their wares. A friend of ours makes a lot of his income up at Apple Hill- at High Hill Ranch specifically. And of course, the cider is delicious. We always get at least one frozen pie to take home, and I usually splurge on fudge as well. The tradition for my son is the apple donut.
This year, my bread was made with some “Jazz” apples from New Zealand that I found at Safeway. We won’t be going up to Apple Hill this year, due to the coronavirus of course. Seems like everything that is fun has been canceled. Work isn’t canceled, and taxes aren’t canceled, and bills and rent aren’t canceled, but museums are closed and parks are empty and … It just sucks. Obviously, it sucks for everyone and in America with 200,000 people dead I should be grateful that I’m only missing out on some apples.
My bread still came out pretty good. I want to try another recipe too, and I bought some dates and craisins and walnuts and pecans for this recipe. Technically, I guess it will be inspired by the recipe I saw because I am not a fan of buttermilk. And also, I have a bunch of self-rising flour that I need to use up because I made myself a big loaf of Lemon Poppy bread from a Harmony Nice video and that recipe called for self-rising.
I’m not much of a baker. I don’t understand the difference between self rising or not. Before we were married, I told my husband, “I’m a knitter, not a baker!” And it’s still more or less true. Although, I will say that ever since I started to become more serious about my Wicca journey, I have at least baked for most of the Sabbats for the past 2 years.
I think that’s a good tradition for me. On Imbolc this year I ended up building a birdhouse instead but I did make some sweet potato buns a week or so after and I’m all for celebrating the Sabbat for the whole chunk of the wheel. Why not?
I tried to explain to my son how Mabon is basically the last holiday, rather than Yule. He was confused because “isn’t January first new years?” And it is, but this year especially I am ok with putting it to rest in October. 10 months of this year has felt like… just a lot longer. It has been, very very emotionally frustrating just being American these days.
On Mabon morning, I cast a circle and invited the elements and directions in. I faced the East as I invited in my patron God, Hermes, and Goddess Persephone. I don’t really have a main Goddess, but I thought that the timing is a great time to invite Persephone. Hermes, of course, made himself available early on in my journey. I’m grateful someone came to me, and he is just… the perfect deity for a wordy Gemini like myself. And I never have to worry about what to say or which God or Goddess would be able to help me best. He’s like a translator- taking my dreams and wishes and thoughts to the right person and explaining it for me, much better than I would be able to. So, after I had a small moment of just silence, I explained that I wanted – in the new year- to make a habit of doing a divination for each section of the wheel. And I said I’d like to have just a general reading for now until Samhein, to see what kind of influences I should look out for and what I should focus on. I faced East, because I am a Gemini and I am the Air element and so is Hermes and I thought communication is exactly what I’m asking for the cards to do. I used the regular rider waite- I love all my decks and some of them have quite a flair to the way they communicate to me, but my plain jane waite is always excellent for clarity. The reading was good. No Major Arcana cards, which was absolutely a first for me. I don’t think I’ve ever done a reading with not a single Major. It was heavy in cups. The past position showed the Queen of Wands. Ok I guess I’m getting more into it than I thought so I’ll just write out my gist:
- Significator: 4 of cups
- What crosses: 2 of Swords
- Root: 3 of swords, reversed
- Past: Queen of Wands
- What I’m thinking about: 2 of cups
- The future: Ace of cups
- How I see myself: The 3 of cups, reversed
- How others see me: the 5 of Swords
- Hopes/fears: 7 of pentacles, reversed
- Outcome: 8 of Pentacles, reversed
Now the 7 of Pentacles has been haunting me lately it seems. You know how sometimes a card seems to just follow you around? I noticed it at first in my car deck- the little deck I keep in my car for quick one card readings in the morning before work. That deck is always spitting out pentacles, but I figured it’s just because I only really use it before I go to my job so it’s full of material worries, work and money. But sometime after Lugnhasadh I started getting the 7 of Pentacles a little more frequently. It means patience, you know. And also analyzing your progress. Considering your own endeavors, analyzing your pursuits. And then, this last weekend we went to Redding to celebrate my father’s birthday. (He turned 64. We sang the beatles.) The card I had chosen the day before was the 7 of pentacles. Then when I got there I used my brother’s tarot book to see what his said about the 7 of pentacles. Then I drew my card with my own deck and got the same card again. Now here it is in my Hopes/Fears, but reversed.
Honestly the vibe I get from the reading can be summarized with the word “worry.” In the past I see summer, summer ending. In the present I see myself- I’m so often the 4 of cups. And the fact that the root and the thought are both seemingly about relationships disturbs me. In fact, all of the cups disturb me. And like I said, I was facing East and I know that’s because I don’t face West. Right? But my last name is West. I am West. West is water. West is emotion. I am A west but I’m not west. I’m east. It’s a whole different way… but not really because if you’re going east and I’m going west eventually like won’t we meet up?
The future card is a good one – the Ace of Cups. I feel like that is a positive card, even though for me personally being full of any emotion to the point of overflowing sounds like a straight up nightmare. Honestly when I first read it my thoughts were that it’s going to be the time to start working on some of my personal issues with like my soul-searching and my relationships and past hurts and betrayals. But then I saw too that doing so would lead others to consider me careless. Unfortunately the 2 of swords crossing is rather typical too. I never want to look at what is most important. But then we have the 2 of cups as well. two of cups and two of swords. Three of cups & three of swords. That’s interesting, too. Twos are for balance, harmony, but also choices. Threes are for growth, creativity, but also chaos. If there is a choice to be made, this reading tells me to choose love. Unabashedly, unashamedly, choose love. How can I be so curious still. It seems obvious: choose love. But I wonder which love? Is self-love different than love of others? I wonder about myself seeing me as the 3 of cups reversed. That would be true; I do consider myself outside the circle, and not exactly in the community. And likewise others may see me as selfish or deceitful for not being in the group. But the damn 7 of pentacles. And worse- the 8 of pentacles. I worry this may bode ill of my group projects in my final college semester- people not working well together and work “not working.” Of course, too it could just represent and end of waiting. The start of something new- a new project.
Here’s the thing I have learned about repeating cards. Well for one thing, you usually don’t recognize the lesson until much later. and secondly, it always helps to go back to the card before the one that keeps appearing. In my case, the 6 of Pentacles. 6’s are for success and beauty. The 6 of pentacles traditionally depicts a wealthy man doling out support to two beggars, possibly unfairly or perhaps one is simply waiting his turn. This could, for me have a lot to do with school and with financial aid and with waiting for those dollars to run out.
At any rate my summation would include: Keep surviving. Maybe there isn’t a huge something going to happen in the next month, and maybe the strongest influence is passing ever behind us. But at any rate if I do another divination on Samhein I will have something to compare it to and then maybe i’ll be doing a little better.
Today I’m doing a little better. Better than I was anyhow.
Witch of the West 